I miss my baby ๐Ÿ‘ผ๐Ÿพ

So I was having a moment today and I reached for my camera to document it for my YouTube channel, Michelle Clarke TV.

You have all been so supportive that I thought I should share it with you all also.

So here it is…

I miss my baby ๐Ÿ‘ผ๐Ÿพ

God didnโ€™t take my baby!

I’m sharing this with you just seconds after having a conversation with a wonderful woman who works for Revelation TV.

I shared my testimony with her & it again highlighted just how wonderful God is ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿพ

I told her about my blog and she said it was important that I know that God didn’t take my baby. I know this as God isn’t capable of such EVIL!

The Devil comes to steal our joy but if we trust in the Lord, HE turns everything around that the devil meant for harm and makes it good.

Destiny is happy, I WILL see her again. She is with Jesus and in no pain. How can I not be happy about that?

Of course I miss her & yes, my tears still flow but not as much now because this world is full of evil that she will never have to experience.

Losing Destiny made me lose myself. I was in so much shock and lost faith in this cruel world. The only way I could survive and get through my grief was to turn to Christ. Jesus saved me ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿพ

So that’s what I mean, I HAD to lose my Destiny (my daughter) to find my destiny (Gods purpose for my life)

My path has never been clearer, this is what happens when you trust in Jesus. I’m finally seeing bit by bit who God created me to be.

I will continue to trust in the Lord ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿพ

โ€œTrust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.โ€

Proverbs 3:5 KJV

A year ago today…

This time last year, we had just made it to the cemetery.

After getting out of the taxi and seeing family, it started to feel real.

My babies cold body lay in her tiny white casket and as I walked towards the hearse, I noticed the plaque on the casket.

Destiny Jayde Clarke, infant of Michelle Clarke.

Nobody informed me that my name would also be on the casket. It made me feel horrible and the tears started to flow.

It felt weird seeing my name on a casket and I just wanted the world to stop so I could get off. I’d had enough!

When I look back now, I suppose it was quite fitting because a piece of me definitely died with Destiny and is certainly buried with her.

I’ll never be the same again.

I repeatedly stroked the tiny casket as if I was stroking my daughter. I wasn’t strong enough to see her little lifeless face in the funeral home but I put my faith in my Mum & sister to pick out something amazing for her to wear.

I was later told that it was probably best that I didn’t see her. She had changed so much after her post-mortem and didn’t look like our Destiny anymore. I’m happy to remember her how she was in those three days we got to spend with her after the delivery.

The funeral was tiny. Tiny for a tiny baby. Destiny wasn’t known by many and she only weighed 320g. I wanted her funeral to represent her. We didn’t want a huge circus. That would make the process longer and I just wanted to bury my child and go home.

A week before her funeral, I didn’t even want to go so you can imagine my pain.

My long, thick mane was the last thing i wanted to be dealing with so I piled it on my head and wore a headscarf.

A year later, I don’t have that problem. Grief & Stress have taken care of that and I am slowly growing my hair back.

So today is the last of the firsts…

Sleep well Princess ๐Ÿ’”

Happy 1st Birthday Destiny ๐Ÿ’”

Happy Birthday my youngest Princess ๐Ÿ‘ผ๐Ÿฟ

Mummy has no words. Totally heartbroken ๐Ÿ’”

Would be a dream to be able to hold you, kiss you & watch you giggle today while eating your birthday cake & playing with your big sister & big brother ๐Ÿ˜ข

Just so tired from grief. I’ve been told it gets better. I pray it does ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿพ

Until we meet again,

Mummy ๐Ÿ’•

Christmas without Destiny

We never got to experience a Christmas with Destiny as a physical family member in our home. However, she was tucked away safely in my tummy the Christmas of 2016.

We were so excited for her arrival the following April and had no idea what horrific events were about to unfold in just a matter of days!

A year on and the memories are still so fresh and just as clear.

Christmas 2017 was supposed to be such a happy time. Both mummy & daddy with our three bundles of joy. Instead we sat watching our two living children playing whilst all the time wandering what their interaction with their little sister would have been like.

It’s the wonders, the what ifs, the not knowing that does the damage. My mind is on constant overload.

It wasn’t the Christmas we had hoped for but it was surely one that we’ll never forget.

Our family forever broken, always one missing ๐Ÿ’”

Destinyโ€™s Headstone ๐Ÿ˜

Hello everyone ๐Ÿ‘‹๐Ÿพ

What do you think? It’s taken us a while to share but this will be Destiny’s headstone. The picture does not do it justice but it’s going to be gorgeous!!!!!

Shiny black granite with shocking pink writing & decoration such as pink stones & vases.

Slight detail change – next to the little infant holding the teddy at the bottom, will now read SAFE IN THE ARMS OF JESUS.

We are so excited to get it laid down next year!

We are over half way with our target and we thank each and every person who has been kind enough to donate.

Nobody HAS to help us, nobody has to do anything but YOU HAVE & we are TRULY grateful.

We look forward to thanking you all in person…. (keep watch on this blog)

We originally set up a GoFundMe page but have been exhausted with topping up everyone’s donations due to the fees. Instead, we would love any further donations to go straight into the account below ran by myself & Destiny’s Dad.

Details are as follows;

Santander

Mrs M M Clarke

Sort code 09-01-27

Account Number 97280273

God Bless you all ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿพ

Dancing 4 Destiny Fundraiser

IMG_8176

Dancing 4 Destiny was a success!!!! The burgers and hot dogs were the first to sell out and the stall holders were selling and offering amazing products!

The raffle went down a treat and the children loved the ‘guess how many sweets in the jar’ game!

The talent was amazing! Mostly dancers but also an amazing gospel singing group.

It wasn’t the biggest turn out and to be honest, I feel that my own community of All saints could have supported the event much more but we are extremely grateful to ALL who supported the event in all ways possible.

We managed to raise a whopping ยฃ513.47 at the event alone! We were so emotional, touched by everyone’s support and kindness.

To date, we have now raised a magnificent ยฃ1,463.00! Only ยฃ1,137 to go!!!!

Our darling Destiny will soon have the beautiful headstone that she deserves and it’s all down to the kindness of so many people who have been supporting us via our gofundme page from the beginning!

If you would like to donate, please click on the link below. We send a personal thank you for each donation. We can not thank you enough!

The Clarke Family xxx

 

PLEASE click here to donate.