Dancing 4 Destiny 2019

I can’t believe that it is already that time again!

I feel like we’ve only just had the last event!!!

This year will be bigger and better and I can not wait as we have been given the go ahead!!!!

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If you live in the Midlands and have never experienced a Dancing 4 Destiny event, we’d love to welcome you to join us this year.

Details can be found below;

Saturday 29th June

1pm – 5pm

Low Hill Community Centre

Kempthorne Avenue

Wolverhampton

WV10 9JJ

Dancers are NEEDED

Stallholders are NEEDED

Donations from businesses are NEEDED

More details coming soon….

Celebrating Destiny’s 2nd Birthday

So today, we celebrate Destiny’s 2nd Birthday.

She’ll always be in our hearts and always be a big part of our family.

Everyday we wander who she would have been and we can only imagine the bond that she would have had with her and her big brother having such a small age gap between them.

Daddy felt it so much more this year. Please continue to keep him in your prayers.

After we left the cemetery, we had chocolate cake and her siblings blew out the number 2 candle. We reflected on her very short life and thanked her for leading us as a family to God.

Happy 2nd Birthday Destiny xx

Destiny is going to be a BIG sister!

Hello everyone.

Wow! It’s been a while since I posted anything on here.

It’s been a very confusing time as I’m sure you can tell from the title. I have had so much to get my head around.

Yes, I am expecting our 4th baby. Destiny is going to be a BIG sister!!!!

I’m so grateful to everyone that has congratulated us and especially those that have congratulated us on baby number 4. That just shows us, that you are not trying to erase Destiny because she is not PHYSICALLY here with us. It really means a lot.

How many months am I?

When am I due?

Obvious questions right?

We have decided not to share this information. Only close friends, close family and our Church family know.

I’m sure that you can imagine how anxious this time has been for us all and as much as we are extremely excited, we’ve had to really pray against doubt and fear.

I can reveal that baby is a girl and she is so loved already.

Her name is all set and has been for the longest time but again, something we are not going to reveal until she is here.

I absolutely love having a ready made shortbread holder though 🙂

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I miss my baby 👼🏾

So I was having a moment today and I reached for my camera to document it for my YouTube channel, Michelle Clarke TV.

You have all been so supportive that I thought I should share it with you all also.

So here it is…

I miss my baby 👼🏾

God didn’t take my baby!

I’m sharing this with you just seconds after having a conversation with a wonderful woman who works for Revelation TV.

I shared my testimony with her & it again highlighted just how wonderful God is 🙌🏾

I told her about my blog and she said it was important that I know that God didn’t take my baby. I know this as God isn’t capable of such EVIL!

The Devil comes to steal our joy but if we trust in the Lord, HE turns everything around that the devil meant for harm and makes it good.

Destiny is happy, I WILL see her again. She is with Jesus and in no pain. How can I not be happy about that?

Of course I miss her & yes, my tears still flow but not as much now because this world is full of evil that she will never have to experience.

Losing Destiny made me lose myself. I was in so much shock and lost faith in this cruel world. The only way I could survive and get through my grief was to turn to Christ. Jesus saved me 🙏🏾

So that’s what I mean, I HAD to lose my Destiny (my daughter) to find my destiny (Gods purpose for my life)

My path has never been clearer, this is what happens when you trust in Jesus. I’m finally seeing bit by bit who God created me to be.

I will continue to trust in the Lord 🙏🏾

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.”

Proverbs 3:5 KJV

A year ago today…

This time last year, we had just made it to the cemetery.

After getting out of the taxi and seeing family, it started to feel real.

My babies cold body lay in her tiny white casket and as I walked towards the hearse, I noticed the plaque on the casket.

Destiny Jayde Clarke, infant of Michelle Clarke.

Nobody informed me that my name would also be on the casket. It made me feel horrible and the tears started to flow.

It felt weird seeing my name on a casket and I just wanted the world to stop so I could get off. I’d had enough!

When I look back now, I suppose it was quite fitting because a piece of me definitely died with Destiny and is certainly buried with her.

I’ll never be the same again.

I repeatedly stroked the tiny casket as if I was stroking my daughter. I wasn’t strong enough to see her little lifeless face in the funeral home but I put my faith in my Mum & sister to pick out something amazing for her to wear.

I was later told that it was probably best that I didn’t see her. She had changed so much after her post-mortem and didn’t look like our Destiny anymore. I’m happy to remember her how she was in those three days we got to spend with her after the delivery.

The funeral was tiny. Tiny for a tiny baby. Destiny wasn’t known by many and she only weighed 320g. I wanted her funeral to represent her. We didn’t want a huge circus. That would make the process longer and I just wanted to bury my child and go home.

A week before her funeral, I didn’t even want to go so you can imagine my pain.

My long, thick mane was the last thing i wanted to be dealing with so I piled it on my head and wore a headscarf.

A year later, I don’t have that problem. Grief & Stress have taken care of that and I am slowly growing my hair back.

So today is the last of the firsts…

Sleep well Princess 💔

Lonely

This time last year, I was ‘shopping’ for our daughters funeral. I hated every second of it!

The one thing that kept me going was being around others. Visits, cards being sent to the house, Facebook messages, calls, just being thought of.

Unfortuately, things change after the funeral. I’m sure that anyone who has ever lost anyone will agree.

I feel ‘just left’ Thankfully I have God whenever I need Him.

People don’t purposely do this, it’s just life! While you are alive, there’s things to do. People ha e to return to work, their normal day lives but I’m ‘just left’ with the grief, pain, anger, confusion – what great feelings 😔

Amongst all of my negative feelings, I have no choice to keep finding positives. It’s how I keep going.

With Malaika being off school all week, it’s been a struggle. Watching her so weak and tending to her every need when I can just about tend to myself. Oh and you do remember I have a 2 year old right??

Hats off to all the mums with more than two children 💪🏾 This would have been my reality but God knows…

I wake up and each day is a struggle, very little to look forward to and of course, everyone’s opinion…

You need to just ‘get out’

You need to ‘Keep praying’

You need to ‘do what you love’

You need ‘to get exercise’

No, you need to stop offering solutions to what YOU see as a problem.

Try asking me what I need, i’d be happy to tell you but could you deliver?

I’m having a bad day, can you tell?

One of my children is in the cemetery and no suggestions will ever change that.

Help me to live in pain because that’s my reality. I WILL hurt for the rest of my life and only those that have experienced what I’m going through can help.

Everyone who thankfully hasn’t, just be present. You tell me what I need but all I need is YOU.