No Heartbeat

On December 31st, I was finally allowed home from hospital but I had to stick to my care plan.

Part of my care plan was not just to keep taking various medications but to return regularly to the hospital for checks.

My baby girl had a strong heartbeat and I was now 22 weeks and 1 day pregnant.

Our daughter was so excited to be having a little sister as she’d hoped that her little brother had been a girl.

I felt ill and cold with no appetite so I didn’t see in the new year. I fell asleep in 2016 and woke up in 2017 ready for my hospital appointment.

I’d never had a Sunday appointment before but the hospital were taking no chances with me having preeclampsia and high blood pressure as a cause of the preeclampsia.

I had my blood pressure checked and it was fine. The medication was obviously working.

A member of staff commented on how cute my bump was. It did look cute and not as big as it previously had been. I thought that maybe I was just losing weight due to feeling sick all the time.

I had the all clear to return home but a midwife thought it best to check and see how baby was doing.

I lay back ready to hear Destiny’s heart beat but they couldn’t find one.

Another member of staff was called in but they too couldn’t hear anything so a scan was arranged there and then.

I lay back eagerly awaiting the image of our active and healthy princess but she was still…

Destiny had no heartbeat and had passed away in my womb.

I was in shock and just said “ok” to the staff. “These things happen”

It wasn’t until I saw my husband sliding down the wall in slow motion like something out of a movie that it hit me. Our baby girl had died inside me and I was not going to have her to look forward to in April as we’d all hoped for.

The staff left us alone and took our children to give us time to process our daughters death. The screams from myself and my husband could be heard throughout the ward and we didn’t care.

Life would never be the same again…

HAPPY NEW YEAR 😦

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